August 4

Tonight is the beginning of gay pride, and already I feel depressed. I don't know what it is, but I sometimes feel so invisible that it hurts. I have great friends and a great job, but after being single for a while, I am ready to have someone special and someone that I care about. I just feel so alone sometimes and the emptiness and lonliness is so loud it can be deafening. I wish I knew why things where this way. I am to a point where I find it so completely frustrating. It is not about being spurned, rejected or whatever, it is just about not fitting in and just wanting to be with someone that wants to be with me. I try to stay positive, but is is just so hard sometimes... Perhaps I want too much...