Oh Baby, Baby...

What a crazy, crazy world we live in. Who can possibly keep up with the dizzying array of pressing issues we are constantly confronted with?

First we didn't know if Britney was or wasn't a virgin - although I thought it a total loss on her part to be shacked up with Justin Timberlake and not give him one every now and again. Then nipple-gate had us all guessing if it was indeed a wardrobe malfunction or a publicity stunt - Which again I would consider a total loss on her part if she didn't have Justin rip her clothes off. Now, once again the world is thrown into the ocean of doubt and speculation, this time without Justin. Case in point: Anna Nicole's baby.

With all the hullabulloo and bruhaha around the little bundle, who can get any sleep? Everyday it seems a new man is coming forward claiming to be the baby daddy. Is it the lawyer? The Photographer? I'm afraid I'm a little muddled. Unable to take any more trauma, drama or uncertainty of any type, I made a mad dash for the gym. I sat on my bike, spinning my little heart out, getting that 6-pack while pondering what to do next, which noble cause I should attach my name to. Multi-tasking has long been my specialty and just as Kylie was telling me it was in my eyes, I had an epiphany. An apostrophe even and suddenly the lightbulb of inspiration was flicked on, bathing me in the soft light of brilliance. I knew in an instant what I must do, the path I must take and it would not be the road less travelled. Not this time.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I want to be the baby daddy too! It all just sounds so Fiddy Cent and ghetto. Down-low in a high-profile sort of way. Of course I am just doing it to take part in what I feel is a worthy cause, namely getting my name in the headlines and we all know I am not afraid of scraping the bottom of the barrel if it will get me a little bit of much needed publicity. Bad publicity is better than no publicity and I have been wandering in the Sahara of obscurity for way too long now. I could play Rupert Everett to Anna Nicole's Madonna. This really could be the next best thing. Imagine that baby with my bone structure, who could ask for anything more? Well I can, actually. I sense the makings of a new Britney infused musical hidden in there somewhere beneath all the tabloid fodder. "Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know... That you would have three daddies?"