D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Once again I find myself drowning in the major events around the world and feel the need to add my own perspective in the hopes of making sense of the nonsensical happenings on our ever warming and soon to be flooded planet.

I have to say that my heart goes out to Whitney, the music industry’s version of Sue Ellen, the Queen of Misery. She is a $6.99 all-you-can-eat bad news buffet that keeps us coming back for more. First there were the rumors of rampant lesbianism – hey, they didn’t call her ‘lick-me Whitney’ for nothing. I say where there’s smoke, there’s probably an ugly little fire to go along with it. Then she marries Bobby Brown, who already has a son named Bobby Jr. and then they have a daughter named Bobbi. That’s a whole lot of Bob Browns running around. Now America’s sweetheart has filed for divorce. I wonder who gets custody of the drugs. Crack is whack, man, its whack! And to add insult to injury, the girl can’t dance. She a black woman who can’t dance. That would drive anyone to drug addiction. But then again, in America there’s nobody more celebrated than the rehabilitated or formerly incarcerated.

Sticking with our African American theme, Condoleeza Rice is visiting Japan, a country her boss probably couldn’t find on a globe, assuming he even knows what a globe is. I wonder if they call her Condoreeze Lice or just Miss Lice. I assume she is there to discuss one of her favorite topics; Weapons of Mass Destruction. Those conversations had such great results the first time around.