What Am I Doing?!!!????

Panic has set in. I have been up since 4 this morning, a flurry of packing activity. Not taking much, but keep changing my mind about everything. A few pairs of pants, some shirts, beach sandals, walking sandals, gym shoes, walking shoes, work shoes and of course the obligatory Prada sneakers which, truth be told, should have been thrown out with the baby and the bathwater many moons ago, but am planning on leaving those behind when I return. Not taking much as I am planning on just getting it once I am there, but still "not much" seems to fill a pretty big suitcase. Of course, I have enough underwear to survive a couple of wars, a famine and the occasional plague without having to recycle. I am all for going back to basics, but when it comes to underwear, there just is no compromise.

Now the big question has hit... "What the !@#$%" am I doing going to India?!" What was I thinking? No turning back now, I am just a shower and a train ride away from checking in. The refrigerator is empty and unplugged, the bottle of Absolute that has been residing in my freezer is now looking alone and abandoned on the counter, that thin coating of ice thawing out as we speak. He had a dream that one day he would be a tasty cocktail and now he is just a could have been that never was.

My adrenaline is racing. No heat on but, to use one of Garad's lines, I am sweating like a whore in church. What am I doing? What am I doing? This must be what it's like just before complete insanity hits. I am not even sure where I am going when I land... No confirmation about a pick-up, no address... I can just imagine me, standing outside Terminal 2 at Indira Ganhi Airport with only the cows for company.