It's Raining Rocks

Aloha kakahiaka. Thanks Nik, for correcting me on that little Hawaiian weather blunder thing. As if it wasn’t bad enough that you and Marco leave me here in the cold and rain, shivering in the corner like the little matchgirl without her matches , you have to rub my nose into your island hopping glee. Mahalo nui loa! Well, not one to be outdone, I have decided to create my own little luau. Here I sit, grass skirt and coconut shells, hoping and waiting to get lei’d, but the reality is, I am in the early stages of hypothermia and try as I might, I have never been able to carry off blue lips. Let me just tell you, it’s gonna take a whole lot of cashmere to get over this one. This weekend sees me once again heading south to the tropics of Brussels. Perhaps I should take my hula themed attire with me, strap a portable karaoke system to my back and belt out numbers like “Tiny Bubbles”. Move over Don Ho! I could walk into Fontainas feeling and looking all tropical like I have just breezed in from my secret volcanic getaway and pass the microphone around for a good old fashioned Hawaiian sing-along, Belgian style. It would be almost as good as going to the KonTiki bar in Barcelona, my favorite Hawaiian haunt this side of the islands. Where else can one curl up next to dusty plastic totem poles and drink out of ceramic coconut mugs?

Speaking of tacky, I now take my little story to New Jersey (Sorry Joe, but I can’t let friendship get in the way of my journalistic integrity). Just when you thought it was safe to go outside... A golf ball sized object made of until now inidentifiable material fell out of the sky and inbedded itself into the wall of a house in eastern New Jersey. That in itself may not be news worthy, but then I read that 20 to 50 rock like objects fall from the sky everyday. Everyday. That comes out to between 7300 and 18250 rocks per year, meaning that I have already had over 711750 near death experiences. Is the universe out to get me? Could this be some form of alien dodgeball and suddenly I am the nerdy kid back in junior high school that always got slammed with the red ball, only to sit the rest of the game on the sidelines with the other wierdos? Or does this mean that perhaps the universe, like America just sends all their rubbish to New Jersey? Luckily for me, I have that hardhat I got from the tour of Boulder Dam a few years back and let’s just say, I won’t be leaving home without it. It does clash a bit with my island look, but we’ll see who has the last laugh when a toilet seat from a UFO comes flying down and conks someone on the head. Don’t come crying to me when that happens, you have been warned.

As they say in Hawaii, malama pono.