Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Mother Goose

I was having a bit of a chat the other day about rising oil prices, spiraling economies and female presidential candidates. I realized the world I know is spiraling out of control. I want to blame television. I wanted to blame music. Too much violins. Not enough drum. Most of all I want to blame video games. But as my mind began to wander as it is wont to do, I discovered a more disturbing issue that I feel is the cause of the state of the world today. Fairy Tales. Bedtime stories. Bear with me for a second…

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Goldilocks who was frolicking in the forest. She happened upon a house with three bowls of porridge at different temperatures. She tried them all and ate one up. Then she discovered the chairs. She tried them all and found the one that as just right. Soon after, she tried each of the beds and fell asleep in one until she was discovered.
What does this story teach? It teaches it’s OK to just walk into someone’s home when they aren’t there, help yourself to food, jump all over the furniture and sleep in some stranger’s bed. The story clearly glorifies breaking and entering, stealing and smoking crack – I am convinced it was being strung ot on crack that made her fall asleep in the first place. It’s all good as long as you are a cute little blonde girl. And what about the porridges of varying temperatures? If they had all been made at the same time, they would have been equally as hot. But Mrs. Bear made three different batches, one to hot, one too cold and one just right. Girlfriend was overworked and unappreciated. And then to have that little bitch come in and eat it all up.

Then we have the story of Hansel and Gretel. They ran away from home to escape their step-mom, discovered a house of candy and started eating it up until they were invited in by a nice old lady they tossed in the oven.

This story shows clear disregard for authority. They ran away from home, probably stole those breadcrumbs they used. The nibbled on some sweet old lady’s home without any permission and then as a thank you, they toss her in the oven. Do you think they got jail time? Nope, they got away! What does this teach young kids? If you don’t like someone, toss ‘em in the oven. You’ll get away with it as long as you are cute.

And then Snow White. Don’t even get me started with an unmarried woman shacked up with 7 little men, not another woman in sight. We all know what kept Happy so happy.

Little Red Riding Hood. Strolling through the forest on the way to grandma’s house. Too stupid to see it’s a wolf under granny’s glasses. This tells young women it’s ok to dumb themselves up and then call a murdering woodsman to clean up the mess they made. And what happened to the woodsman once he killed the wolf did he go to jail for poaching? This tells young guys it’s OK to poach, as long as you are doing it to impress a girl.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, who let down her hair so just any guy could climb up and get busy with the princess. She was grounded and locked up in her room for a reason. Perhaps for being a loose woman. I have a feeling this is where blondes became associated with cheap and easy sex. I am not disputing the fact we are cheap and easy sex, I just think this may be where it started.

So when you see the horrible things happening in the world, don’t blame TV. Don’t blame music. Don’t blame video games. Blame Mother Goose.

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