Friday, September 15, 2006

Hedgehogs (Part 2)

And just when I thought I had seen or heard it all, I came across a story so odd and amazing that the responsible journalist in me just had to cash in with his own commentary. I am sure you all recall my near Pulitzer Prize-winning article with the unassuming yet all-encompassing title "Hedgehogs." I honestly thought the drama was over for those loveable little guys, yet I am once again be forced to take up their plight and use my media following to raise awareness for those otherwise speechless little critters.

The setting:

Our cast of characters:
Mr. Zoran Nikolovic, aged 35
A local with doctor whose credentials I have not been able to verify
1 cute, cuddly and I dare to say unsuspecting hedgehog.

It is a tale so sordid, that you might find yourself covering your eyes as you read...

Unidentified sources have confirmed that Mr. Nikolovic of Belgrade was suffering from that annoying little problem of premature ejaculation that, well using my wild imagination, I can imagine is somewhat inconvenient. Zoran (and I have taken the liberty here to use his first name just to make the whole incident a little less formal) had decided to wisely eschew traditional treatment and instead seek out the ever popular neighborhood witch doctor.

The witch doctor, being wise beyons years told Zoran that his problem was easily solved. He needed to do nothing more than have full penetrative sex with the little hedgehog. I can imagine the look of glee on Zoran's face as he left, believing that all his ejaculatory issues were soon to be a thing of the past, something for the old history books. Aaah, how right he was.

So, there he was, armed and dangerous, pants around the ankles, hedgehog in hand. It seems the hedgehog was a bit of a prude because he promptly, in an obvious display of anger toward McDonalds and their hedgehog eating products, proceeded to make a McFlurry of Mr. Happy who was suddenly anything but. After the usual and necessary surgical procedures following such alternative medical treatments, the doctors of the non-with variety were delighted to declare "We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."

I guess this is why they have that old Serbian saying: "never look a gift hedgehog in the privates."

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