Rollercoaster

What a rollercoaster this is. Highs and lows, thrills and scares and lots of unexpected turns. Wednesday morning I felt fine, great, even. Things were going much better and I was feeling really positive and upbeat. A few minutes after I posted the blog, a massive headache came, quite out of the blue. It wan intense and concentrated on the right side of my head, at the base of my skull, just like on December 23^rd. I tried stretching and taking paracetomol, but nothing worked and the intensity increased. I just wanted to cry from the pain, but that is something else my body doesn’t seem to do.

I already had an appointment for the doctor that day, but with the headache, I phoned and they told me to come right away. Again, I had the feeling something was wrong, that something was happening, but I didn’t know what. My vision went blurry and I had to have the housekeeper help me with the phone. I was scared I was having another stroke and I didn’t know what to expect. Would I lose memories? Speech? Eyesight? Would I die? All of those things went through my head in a massive ball of confusion and panic. I stayed calm on the outside, but inside, I was terrified.

I got to the hospital and as usual, by blood pressure was normal, my blood tests came back normal with the exception of slightly elevated blood sugar, but I had just had lunch and fresh mango juice. Again, no signs pointing to the cause. I was given a painkiller for the headache and after an hour or so, it went away and I was sent home. A friend wanted me to stay with him and his wife, but I declined. In the middle of all this madness and uncertainty, it is important for me to keep whatever routine and normalcy I can.

Since then, I have not had a headache and hope that stays for awhile. I have been given a medication to help counter the depression, but I only take half of one before sleep to help me rest. Sleeping has been super restless and I normally wake up fifteen to twenty times a night. Now I can sleep most of the night, waking up only two or three times a night now.

Walking is going much better. The first hour in the morning is the worst part of the day as I have to relocate my balance and get my legs under control again. After an hour or so, then I put away the walker and see how far I can push myself.

The hardest part is still getting to know my body and trying to make some sense of it and trying to find something that feels like me. So far, only my mind feels familiar. As I type this, the left side of my body is dripping in sweat, while the right side feels just fine. I feel like two people that have been glued together, neither of them knowing anything about the other.

My main frustration right now is my vision. It takes forever to read and type. I did find voice controlled software for the Mac and if my vision isn’t improving in a week or two, I will probably get it. I have increased the font on my iphone to point where it can be read from space. With a naked eye. And I downloaded voice controlled software for mu phone which is a huge help. But one cool thing with my vision, is that when it does come together for a bit, it males everything 3D. If you ever did that experiment where you look at two identical pictures, with a divider between your eyes, when you get the pictures to merge into one, it gives the illusion of 3D. So, I get that on my laptop and iPhone. And I have to say, the iPhone 3D is amazing. I love mine!