Thursday, July 31, 2008

MAC and Me

A funny thing happened while walking through the mall today. I thought “wouldn’t it be great to be a woman just for a few?” and then realized I actually thought it out loud to Ankit and a couple of people that were walking in our general vicinity.

Let me clarify something – I have no cross dressing fantasies, gender confusion issues, or anything like that. We were walking past all these make-up stores… MAC, Clinique, Lancome and I realized that if I were a woman, I could walk in, sit down in a chair, be offered a non-alcoholic drink which I could pretend was champagne, get more attention than Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman” and then walk out looking like a million bucks, without spending a single rupee. But instead, I am a guy. They throw soap and deodorant at us, try to get us to buy some cologne and get us out of the store as quickly as possible so they can go back to doing nothing while waiting for a woman to walk in when they can all go “America’s Next Top Model” on her.

But to be a woman for just a few hours, not dealing with PMS, menstruation, cramps and shaving the legs, but being able to change personalities and attitudes simply by changing the shade of lipstick. Innocent virgin pink, boring housewife beige, smoldering temptress red or cocksucking coral with the long lasting moisture crystals. And don’t even get me started on the colors of nail polish. I decided on the spot that I am probably an electric blue.

Before I knew it, Ankit and I were standing in MAC, and there it was… MAC shaving crème. I figured that was as close as I was ever going to get to painting my cheeks a flirty shade of bashful blush. And then suddenly there I was, buying Fix+, a light yet highly refreshing facial spray I can use anytime I need a quick moisturizing pick-me-up (I wonder if it will make me look dewey… Is the dewey look even in anymore?) and of course I couldn’t leave without the Lip Conditioner Stick with SPF 15, which will keep my lips moist and conditioned, without making them glossy or overly noticeable, which is great as I really don’t want to be strolling the streets of Delhi with “blowjob lips” – I would hate to give the wrong impression. But it doesn’t stop there, oh no, my wonderful little sales person also hooked me up with some samples. I hope she offered them because she thinks I will really like them and deserve to indulge ina bit of self pampering and not because she thinks it would be a fun trick to give me false hope for recapturing my rapidly dwindling youth.

So tonight, I have decided I am going to embrace my feminine side. I am going to use my Creamy Coconut Milk Body Scrub with Lemongrass, my L’Occitane en Provence Savon Extra-Doux with Shea Butter and then tuck myself into my bed with the crispy clean sheets and lay my head on the pillow that has been brushed with a special oil to help me sleep and fall into sweet dream sleep. I just hope I don’t have that dream again… The one where I lesbian with an oily T-zone and bad shoes… But if I am wearing electric blue nail polish, it might not be so bad…

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