Dirty Talk

When will the insanity end? I am still coming to grips with the fact that a member of N-SYNC is gay when I find out that poor little Tori Spelling only gets $800,000 of her fathers $500 million and to further complicate matters of the world, David Hasselhoff was denied boarding on a flight from London to Heathrow. But, amid all this chaos, turmoil and confusion in the world, there is a bright spot. Pamela Anderson is getting married again.

I have just started back at the gym a few days ago, trying to whip my body into some sort of shape. For me that means no alcohol, eating only healthy foods, drinking my protein drinks, no cola and no coffee. So imagine how I felt when my friend Adam calls me and starts talking dirty. I don't mean a little dirty, I mean completely vulgar. I can still hear whispers of "macaroni and cheese", "deviled eggs""and the one that threw me over the edge, "coleslaw". I would have hung up immediately, however I was intrigued to find how far he would take it, but he stopped shy of "cornbread" and I was left to complete the fantasy myself. Normally those foods would not get my attention, but living in Holland, those are some hard to come by dishes and it is amazing what passed for everyday food at one time, suddenly becomes a treat. About 6 months after I moved here, I craved 2 things... Soft shell tacos from Taco Bell and Captain Crunch cereal with Crunch Berries. We can get Captain Crunch here at a specialty store, but a small box will run around 12 dollars and it is most likely a year or two past its sell-by date. Adam comes from the south and that boy can BURN (see how I incorporate ghetto slang so easily?). He is our very own version of Bree van de Kamp, and is at his happiest either cooking up a mean dish or cleaning something... I don't know what his parents did to him, but it just isn't normal. Anyway, he is making a birthday feast (with all my favorite foods) for Garad on Saturday, so my 6-pack abs will just have to wait until another day.