A Bit Of This And That

Lately, I have just found myself at a loss for interesting things to write about, so I have decided to bore you with the things that aren’t so interesting… Just be warned before you read further, this is probably the worst blog post ever written in the history of blogging… Well, maybe almost…

I moved. Finally! I did! I said goodbye to the landlady and the rest of her annoying but often entertaining brood. Of course, I have only said a partial goodbye. See, there is still that little issue of the security deposit they need to refund to me. They have tried everything to get out of it. They claimed I hadn’t paid rent in months, when in reality, at one second past midnight at the start of the month, the stalking begins and they start using two of their most favorite words in the English language; “Robb” and “Money”. Usually it is in one sentence “Robb, Money!” while they make the appropriate hand gesture. I used to pay them perfectly on time, but decided to start annoying them a bit in the only way I could, so I would pay a couple of days late, watching the sweat beads on their foreheads get more pronounced as the seconds ticked later and later into the month. The second trick they tried, was saying that I should give it as a gift for their daughters wedding. This was made clear by the sentence “Money gift wedding?” When I ignored it, they pointed to their daughter who was looking all premarital as she sat next to them and said “Daughter wedding” to which I replied “I don’t care, it is not my problem.” It may sound rude, but at that point I had been there for 20 minutes and this is after the three hours of conversation (yelling, finger pointing and shopping at my going away market) the day I moved out. Between one translator and having to call two friends to talk to them on the phone, it finally got sorted and I just need to wait a few more weeks and then the goodbye will be a lot more permanent. Had I known this, I would have just not paid the last month… Anyway…  Oh, and while I was at their place, landlord was wearing my old and worn out MiuMiu sandals and a pair of my discarded socks. It was a bit surreal to be in their place, seeing my former possessions and current rubbish so proudly displayed in areas of prominence all around their flat. You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff they pulled out… I would be surprised if anything I threw out made it to a trash bin… I am sure they will point to it and say something about that crazy firangi who used to live on the top floor. Anyways…

I did move, but at this point, it has been the move to nowhere. Or somewhere. Noida, actually. But nowhere near where I was supposed to be going. See, I did a course where I got certified to teach English (and scored top of the class, thank you very much) and within a few days of completing my exam, I had an offer. An offer for a real job with a real salary and I would be a real teacher. Employed. Hating my boss. Complaining about my co-workers. In desperate need of a vacation. Good times! I had a start date of July 1 and today was the day when I was supposed to be boarding a plane to spend a year in China, YES, China! And then suddenly and quite disappointingly, it all fell through. The plan was to stay with Ankit for a few days and then ship off to Chongqing (pronounced ChongChing) and now that has been a little extended while I start looking for another job that won’t fall through at the last minute…  But it can’t be that extended, as my Indian visa expires in a few weeks, so I am leaving for an as of yet unknown destination.

But as long as we are talking jobs, I did get called from the school where I did my certification and I am now a substitute teacher. Perhaps it might lead to a more permanent gig in a couple of months when they move to a new location… Is Delhi trying to keep me here?

After the whole six days of subbing (we in the teaching biz call it that) are finished, I am off to Chandigarh to help a friend work on a film. Only this time, I will be behind the camera doing some pre-production/gofer/sounding board/friend/cheerleader/ego-fluffer kinds of things instead of being the one in hair, make up and waiting for my close-up.

And speaking of close-ups… I did a film last week and I think I now have as many celluloid close-ups as my BFF Julia. And Julia and I are all set to make our first cinematic appearance together in August. I have recently learned that August 13 is the release date, just one tiny little day after my very own birthday (I will be turning something-something). Better that way, ad that gives me one more day of personal celebration before the tabloid intrusion that is sure to take place the second the first frame flashes on the screen. But my film last week was great. It was all about anger, and I got to smash computers and a full length mirror, beat people up, yell, scream, eat pizza, drink beer and burp, all on camera… I can still feel the surge of testosterone pulsating through my veins.

So there you have it, all the things I thought were too boring to blog about. I can hear you snoozing, so I’ll just tip-toe out…

And then slam the door!