Wednesday, August 19, 2009

This And That

Here are incidents, thoughts, observations and details from my trip that didn’t make it into other entries due to not fitting in, or I just plain forgot at the time…


When I boarded the double-decker bus from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, I was seated in the front seat of the upper deck, right in front of the video monitor. It was just as we were pulling out that a karaoke greatest hits DVD was put on. At first I thought it was a joke, but then the music started. I was actually wondering if a microphone was going to be passed around, but we were just there to watch the videos and the color changing Thai text while not singing.

The first video was a girl who gets dumped by a guy who then flaunts his less pretty girl in front of her.

The second video was a guy who gets dumped by a girl who then flaunts her less handsome guy in front of him.

The third video, and my personal favorite, was a girl who gets dumped by her guy and ends up homeless on the street. She is then enslaved by an evil woman who makes her do all the household chores. The girl holds fast to her dreams of love and freedom and one day runs away and gets on a bus.

The fourth video was a girl who gets dumped by a guy and moves in with the guy who secretly loves her only to dump him for the guy who originally dumped her.

I was happy the DVD stopped after four songs. I had clearly been on an emotional journey through the relationship landscape.


I spent some time on a beach and have this piece of advice for all the men out there either wearing or contemplating wearing a speedo:

Stand in front of a full-length mirror
Strip naked.
Look at yourself.
Stand straight with your arms at your side.
Moving only your head, look down.

Now, if you can see your dangly bits, then maybe a speedo is for you. But if your dangly bits are even slightly obscured from view, don’t even think of anything stretchy on the beach. Oh, and while you are naked, check out your back. If there is hair, shave it, wax it or cover it up.


I was in Boots, a British pharmacy on every corner in most Thai cities, looking to stock up on some FCUK hair wax when another product caught my attention. In fact, I did a double take to make sure I had seen what I think I saw, and sure enough, there it was, Finale Pink Nipple Cream a product that “make nipples color soft”. Call me naïve. Call me out of the loop, but since when did nipple coloring come into vogue? I almost bought a tube for myself, just to see what would happen, but I am a bit scared that I might end up with strawberry pink nipples just as I might be heading towards a beach. And I don’t want people telling their funny holiday stories while referring to me as “that pink nipple guy”.


Another product I found in Boots a short while later is “Smart Oil for Men” which is a “product for specific area”. Now, the box didn’t saw what the specific area is, but it does say “Micronutrients help penetrate effectively”, so I kind of have an idea of what “specific area” means. What I am not clear on is if the micronutrients help the oil to penetrate or the oil helps the specific area to… Must investigate.


I was walking down the street in Bangkok one night and felt something grab me from behind. At first I brushed it off as being in my mind as it was crowded, but there was some definite feeling action going on. All over my back and then onto my shoulder. When I turned around to check it out and put a stop to it, there was a curious baby elephant behind me.


I don’t understand people who spend money to travel, who decide to go on holidays to what I imagine for many are dream locations and in many cases, one-in-a-lifetime experiences, then go out of their way to stay in the bubble of home. It pains me when I am in places like France, Spain, Greece, Israel, India, Thailand or wherever, and instead of indulging in what I believe is one of the best things about travel, the food, they make a mad dash for McDonald’s. Or KFC, Pizza Hut, Dairy Queen or any place else where they can taste the same old thing cooked the same old way they can have it back home. Go to any foreign country, and the more exotic it is, the more people you will find crammed into some American fast food restaurant. What is the point? I have even been in countries where people do try the food and then complain the Chinese food in Beijing doesn’t taste like Ping’s Chinese restaurant in Des Moines, which is “a hell of a lot better, if you ask me!”


There seems to be a craze in Thailand. Collagen in just about any and everything. While wandering the airport, I did come across a fast food restaurant that has, among other things, collagen burgers. I kept walking.


  1. Speedos: all in favour, subscribe to your comments. But please, NO board shorts if they can be avoided, they are an insult to masculinity.

    You coward. Complaining about people who prefer Ping's Chinese restaurant in Des Moines, but in the meantime NOT using the nipple cream AND passing on the Collagen Burger (is that similar to a Botox Bun?)

    Do let me know what the Smart Oil does. I smell a niche market.

    Felt up by a baby elephant. How good does it get???????

  2. Lol. The World is crazy to the core! Hilarious post man.

    Nipple cream was a revelation. You should have hidden behind and found out who exactly buys them. ;)

    Well written. Keep writing. :)