Just My Luck

After months of unemployment, depression and a rather bleak outlook, I am happy to announce that my luck has turned around. This last week alone has been completely unbelievable. And just when I think it might stop, more and more keeps coming…

It all started about a week ago when I received the following message:

Dear Lucky winner,

We are happy to inform you that your email address have emerged winner of 50,000.00 POUNDS in the NOKIA PROMOTION PROGRAM 2009. The online cyber draws was conducted from an exclusive list of 3,000 email addresses of individuals and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer selection from the web.

And from there it has been an avalanche of winnings. At least once a day, I learn that I am a winner. So far this week, I have won £250,000.00 from Microsoft, £1,500,000.00 from third category draws in the UK (whatever that is, but who cares? I WON!). I was just getting used to my new winnings when I learned I am now the proud owner of a brand new BMW 5 Series car and an additional cash prize of £500,000.00 GBP with congratulations from BMW Automobile Company. And even though I use Gmail almost exclusively, I discover I have won yet another £500,000.00) for the Year 2009 Lottery promotion which is organized by YAHOO/MSN LOTTERY INC & WINDOWS LIVE.

Don’t even get me started on the $500,000.00 I won in the Powerball Promo or the lump sum payout of $1,000,000 from Peugot. And then this morning, the biggest win of them all from the prestigious COCA COLA COMPANY, which successfully organized a Sweepstakes marking the 2010 SOUTH AFRICA WORLD CUP PROMOTIONAL LOTTERY. Participants for the draws were randomly selected and drawn from a wide range of web hosts which we enjoy their e-business patronage. However, no tickets were sold but all email addresses were attached to different ticket numbers for representation and privacy. And wouldn’t you know it, my email address as indicated was drawn and attached to ticket number 0098876 with serial numbers MSL099876 and drew the lucky numbers 9-21-17-39-23-13(20) which subsequently won me £500,000,000.00!

Even though I have won well over half a billion dollars already this month, I can honestly tell you, that all this money does not buy feelings of confidence and adequacy. Now I don’t know who has been talking, but some has to be. I noticed that I am also getting emails from someone named Avik telling me to “power up your manliness”, Aicolt and Barnett2003 are telling me how I can “be sooo big she’ll be amazed” and “supercharge bedroom performance” and then there is Dieter.Nehring commanding me to “penetrate harder and give her more pleasure” while Delta703 is telling me I need to make my hose greater. I never actually thought it was that bad until a few minutes ago and suddenly I have the almost uncontrollable urge to use my new found riches to buy a Ferrari to overcompensate for all my shortcomings.

But something tells me that if I just wait a few more days, I’ll win one and well, why pay for what you can get for free?