My Week

What a week it has been. I have been stressed beyond belief and am glad it is all behind me. A week ago, I had some tests done and some biopsies were taken. The C-word was thrown around a bit. Both of my parents have had cancer. Twice. I have known for years that I am in a higher risk group than if they hadn’t. Every once in a while this fear comes up. This time it was much more intense. Being in India I found myself faced with questions about what I would do if I did actually have a major illness. Would I go to the US and be with family? Stay here in India? Where would I get the best treatment? Europe? It was quite an intense conversation I was having with myself. The week long wait between the tests and the results meant I had a lot of time to think about it all. The strange part is, I wasn’t as freaked out about it as I thought I would be. I think having known for so long that it is a possibility, a probability even, I have kind of accepted that it would happen one day. So I try to hold it off as long as possible. I try to eat healthy, I started yoga to reduce the stress and keep my body in good shape. I don’t smoke and I have cut way, way down on drinking. But still, in the back of my mind was this big “what if?” What if it has happened? What if I need surgery or other major treatment? What would I do?


Those are the times when being so far away from the people that really know me becomes so much harder. And I wanted to say something, but there is nothing anyone can really do and I don’t want anyone to worry, so I kept it mostly to myself and hoped for the best. I did my yoga, tried to relax and just counted the days, the hours, the many hours until the results would be known.

I went to the doctor yesterday not knowing what was going to happen. Would there be more tests? Would I be OK? The good news is that everything is fine. I have 4 weeks of medication to wipe out whatever is happening in my body, but there were no signs of anything I need to be concerned about. After a week of stress, not sleeping and holding my breath, I can do what my yoga instructor is always saying… “Exhale completely and relax.”