Tagged on Facebook

I checked my emails this morning and there was the message I had been dreading since Julie added me as a friend on Facebook. The subject line read "Julie tagged a photo of you on Facebook" and I immediately panicked, a feeling that went into hyper drive when I opened the email which read "Julie tagged a photo of you in the album "Prom 1984".

Let me start by saying that 1984 was not my best year. I had not discovered hair products and I had that unfortunate stoner type haircut. I was very Van Halen. To top it all off, I ignored the numerous issues of GQ which instructed me that a tuxedo should only ever be in black or midnight blue. I also was a firm believer in sporting tails. The result? A light gray tux with tails and lavender cummerbund and bowtie. Julie was wearing a lavender dress/gown/thing complete with the requisite puffy sleeves and ruffles everywhere, basically she was dressed like a New Jersey bridesmaid. In spite of all this, I do remember feeling quite stylish and sophisticated. It was 1984, and it was prom, which meant doing the matching thing with your date. The cummerbunds and bowties had to go with the dress, as did the corsage and boutonniere. I never understood the whole floral decoration on the clothes thing. But yes, Julie and I were a blur of watercolor pastels, which were all the rage at the time. If we had been dipped in sugar that night, we might have made the perfect top for a wedding cake, or at least a set of interesting bookends at the local garage sale.

I was never sure if Julie and I were dating or just promming it. She was an older woman. Not in the Mrs. Robinson sense, I was a junior and she was a senior. It was her prom, not mine. She was the first girl I ever kissed with tongue and while I was a bit grossed out the moment I unexpectedly found a tongue in my mouth, I felt incredibly cool, suddenly a man, although I had no idea what to do with the tongue or my tongue and I didn't try to cop even the tiniest feel. I also didn't know how to get the kiss to stop, one can't exactly close their mouth when engaged in the throws of liplocking. i just let her do her thing and tried to be nonchalant and cool about it.

So this morning, when I saw the email, I held my breath and immediately made a mad dash to Facebook and there I was, bad hair and gray tuxedo with tails looking back at me. It was the first time since immediately after prom that I have seen these pictures. I was happy to see she hadn't posted THE picture. See, somewhere out there, floating around is a picture of me in a toga at our post prom day at the pond. I am just waiting for the blackmail messages from Julie. The one that says "do this or I post THE picture"- I will have no choice but to do her bidding, I will be a pawn and she will be my master. How do I know this? Because she has threatened me with that picture before and I don't have one of Julie in order to checkmate her. I am at her mercy.

I know the tag is coming... It is just a matter of time...